Weight

I felt it on my shoulder.
The weight is indeed getting heavier and heavier.

I have no power and rights,
it's not about status or pride,
but the eyes that foresee the future fights.

I can always ignore all these.
I can always point it to you.
Because it's your responsible.

I can say it's ridiculous.
It is ridiculous that I care too much.
I carry up what's not mine.
It can be seen as I am very geh-poh.
But instead, I am just over caring.

If possible, I can change.
I can change into a person who don't care.
A person who only care for her own.
And yes, it is selfish, but a free bird like you.

These might be seen as anger but no.
It's disappointment.
It's hurtful.
It's helpless.

If this is the way you want,
Please go ahead.

Kindness is not for everyone.
It's not something you dump and I keep offering.

I can offer many many times.
To the infinity.

But, there are voices asking me to at least appreciate myself.

So I will do it now.

#KThxBye

Little do we know

Little do you know,
How grateful I am to have you.
How blessed I am to be loved by you.
How secure I am to know you'll not run away.


I thought...
That would be the first and last time I met you and hear from you.
That would be the first and last time to be touched by your voice.
That we will never ever know each other.


I bet you and me never thought of...
Their help would make everything possible.
Your help would be the important piece to the story.
My randomness would be the bricks that build things up.


Who knows...
The last raining season would be the starting point of our journey.
The random hi and bye we said meant so much to us now.
The simple smiles we had have caught us up.


A new story begins in the beginning of 2016.

Taste of the Cotton Candy

You're like a cotton candy,
So happy to see, so fluffy to feel.

You're like a cotton candy,
So sweet to taste but so soft it fades.

You're like a cotton candy,
Not solid enough for me to bite, but enough to memorise.

Your love is like a cotton candy at first,
It is so excited to see, but so vague to rely on.
So fluffy and lovely, but so easy to destroy.

Your promise is like cotton candy,
You say let time to prove me and I shall taste the sweetness in a bit.
You got me the cotton candy in my hand, smile to me, say "trust me".

A little time, air, sunshine, smile, and love. Cotton candy proves me love.
After sometimes cotton candy turns tough, rough but still sweet.

Time proves reliability, but at the same time brings problems to us.
But sweetness never fades.

You're like a cotton candy,
I'll love it no matter it's fresh or old.

Flower petals

You love me, you love me not, you love me...

Plucking off the flower petals does not answer the question at all.
You whispered to me: "I love you", you say you wanna prove it to me.

A flower's blooming season or the flower seed drops into the middle of the sea.
I choose to plant the flower into the middle of the sea.
You say okay.
I still expect the flower seed to swim to some island and started to grow, but it only last 2 days it sank and dead,

Just in one week, you whispered to me again, that you love me.
This time, my heart beats so hard.
I drop this flower seed in my flower pot, I wanna see the blooming season.
However, it rains so heavily that it flood the flower pot.

I see the flower seed runs to the other pot because there is no rain.

After years, finally, I put this seed into my flower pot.
However, the flower will never bloom.

I'm wounded and my heart scattered ...
You say love hurts, well I guess, I've loved.

Everything in the sea that is nothing

Do you ever feel that somebody has meant everything to you?
The person has filled up your heart and you feel like the person is everything you got?

However, there is a saying..
"Water is everything to a fish, but fish is not everything to the water.
Sea is everything to the water, but water is not everything to the sea."

Not to break your heart, but just to remind you that you might not the "everything" to the person. Nothing is fair and no rules say that one must be your mirror.

Then, if you know this is happening.. will you still treating this person as everything and giving the best to this person unconditionally? What's the reason you doing all these? Win the person's heart, have some motives behind or you just loving the person?

Talk about myself, I just feel like a Remora fish. A Remora fish that needs protection from the shark, taking shark as everything to protect me. However, the shark does not need me at all. My existence may not be anything at all. Maybe, not even a small influence in its life. Then, what can I do for the shark? Other than thanking, appreciating and keep on asking for help? Other than keep on loving more and more, missing deeper and deeper and stalking frequent and frequent?

My dear shark,
I wonder if the Remora fish wasn't under you anymore, will you ever feel lonely?
I wonder if the Remora fish left you, will you ever realise it?
I wonder if the Remora fish never come back, will you ever miss it?
I wonder if you want the Remora fish to leave so you don't get a shadow that always following you?

They say fish has only 7seconds of memory, this short term of memory, how it can always remember that staying with the shark will keep it safe? Which makes it always return to the shark.
Why Remora fish still remembering you, dear shark.. why?

Dear Remora Fish,
Do you wanna change a place to hide yourself?
Can you be independent now to fight the world?
Will you be strong and turn into a shark someday?

Under the sea world, once living this shark and remora fish that swim together for months and they get lost in their way. They lost each other.
Will the Remora fish still need the shark?
Will the shark miss the Remora fish or realising that it needs Remora fish too?

I don't know. Let's see the next chapter of the sea story after 3months maybe?
Let God to make the decision on how the story goes.

-END-

Gravity

Is this a story, or is it a reality?

I couldn't look into your eyes and ask you why.

Your smile your care and your stare.

Will I feel love if you are no longer there.

It feels like everything will come to the end,

If I ever close my eyes.

Will day sustained and this feeling will never fade.

If I were to offer you my heart, will you ever stay there?

I wonder is this called love,

Or this is just an illusion that you built.

Will it be the thinnest ice-floor,

Which I'm going to step on it and fall into the freezing world?

I'm moving away and asking myself to forget.

But my footsteps get heavier and I wanted to stay more,

Just because memories you built are heavy and they are tying on my leg.

Please send someone from the sky to lift me and leave your gravity.

You're once the person from the sky who pulled me up.

Only I realise you are the gravity of another world that hold me tight.

Your gravity squeezes me from inside out that I would hardly survive if I leave.
Is there other world that have the same gravity as you did that will keep me alive?

If I ever leave, will I survive this time?
If I ever leave, will the memories stay?
If I ever leave, will your gravity needs me?
If I ever leave, will it be a beautiful ending?

Matters of choice?

To be perfect for a decision wasn't easy, as there is no dead-angle for a case. It wasn't a triangle, rectangle or pentagon. It can be more than a circle, without boundaries.

No limitation of possibilities.

For success or failure.

If we're there to consider each and every single possiblities, I wonder which end of this earth it can stop. However, choice will be what matters the most. Each and every steps will always be the risk we take, like throwing ten dices at once. Possibilities are vary, you can never expect what's next (unless you have that special ability maybe, haha). 

Maybe as routine, we are making decision everyday, we will never realise that there are so much possibilities. Or maybe, it is out of our concern.. or we just don't care?

Sometimes we really wanna care and wish that we can make a good decision that is flawless to everyone, but the good might not be the good for certain people and some act of "perfect" may not be "perfect" too.

Let's look at this, maybe you are a person who like people to tell you the truth instead of hiding, especially when you are dealing with your spouse, i suppose. You're a open and a considerate person (your spouse's good perception of you). So, as your spouse sees you trying to prepare dishes for the family members as you try hard to suit their flavours, he/she thinks that you can actually relax a little. So he/she is trying to make you relax by telling you that you can just cook anything you wish, there is no need of always being too considerate. However, you think that it is so important and cannot be ignored. Because considering others are greater than your stress. But, in other angle, you do not like stress as stress makes you depressed. Your consideration makes the others feel that you're always concealing yourself, covering yourself for something you don't wished for.

Ouch, my brain hurts. There is more than these possibilities. Seriously, to make yourself great for everyone is slightly impossible. So do other people, they can never be that perfect and fit you too, 

People always say "be true, be yourself" but at the same time, they say "Don't hurt others". Well, to be true might not be not hurtful, be considerate doesn't mean not hurtful too.

There is no boundaries for possibilities, beyond circles of estimation. I would like to call it the beyond-angles haha.

Well, what's left is the significance of the matter to you. Judgement is everywhere, chill and focus on your path. Your love for yourself is the securest things on earth, care for yourself if others couldn't. Let's just be a little hurtful a little cheerful to colour up lives. 

At least some ups and downs to make fun like the roller coaster. Surprises are good. *wink*

-END-