Plastic bag

People were born differently, unique, special..
Some people were born to be the spotlight that shines bright everywhere,
Some of them are more like invisible plastic bags,
Some of them were just so talented,
Some of them were just ordinary.

In my point of view, I feel I'm spotlight and plastic bag in the same time.
Sometimes I shine, sometimes I'm totally invisible.
When there are 5 persons in a group or above, I automatically switch into "plastic bag" mode.
I don't feel belonged.
I feel more like an out-group.
I'm turning into an option button.
I try hard, but my voice was only listened by myself.
Maybe my fear speak louder than my voice.

Is it my own problem in turning myself into plastic bag?
Or is it people around there speak louder than me that turn me into plastic bag?
Am the "need of belongingness" in me too strong?
Why am I always the "options button" to be pressed?
Why even I put them as my prior, but I'm still invisible?

Am I the problem?
Maybe.

Am I someone who likes to be the focus all the time?
NO, I don't.

I just want to feel belonged, at least to be somebody, just somebody.
I don't wish to shine just when some problems occur.
I don't wish to be invisible when happiness is there.

However, should I feel good to be an option button?
It means that I don't have to be too worry about things that going around?
Means I have more time to spend with myself and my family?

Love is happiness, happiness is belongingness.
Love is all about "give and take".
I will give love to people who deserve,
See people who see me, love people who love me.

Maybe I'm just too care about things that I shouldn't.
Maybe I'm shining in some people's eyes, who knows?

Box

*Before reading this blog, I wanna mention that the "we/us" inside this passage does not refer to everybody. Thank you*

We are born with brain.

We think, we express, we are creative.

Yes, we are creative, and it started to drop when......

We know rules, norms, and perceptions in the society.

We scare people will label us as "weird"..

We are being controlled and practiced to do things in a particular way..

WE ARE ALL indirectly FIXED by the society.

We are limited in a box, where we do not know how to walk out from the box.
An invisible box.

Where can you see the invisible box?

Look at the child who are sitting for exam, schema of exam is controlling the way they answer.

Look at the child who has to color "people" in orange or peach color instead of purple color.

Look at the child who once said wants to be a garbage collector and the adult banned. 

There are so many lines blocking us to get out from the box.
Line that limit ourselves,

Line that make us fear,

Line that set by the society.

The elder we grow, the more we have to behave.

Behave in the limitation that was set.

Do you feel it?

Yes, I blame the society for limiting our creativity,

They insert too much limits to the box we stay.

End up, we couldn't think out of the box.

However, in another way, it is just some guidelines in our life.

Basic guidelines and ideas that lead us in our life,

It can be inspiring.
It is like a small seed that plant into our brain and it can be grown into flowers of creativity.

Believe that without these small seeds they planted, we might not able to think.

How can we think when we don’t have info and knowledge?

Without the society, without something, how the kids think?

When there is no input, how they process the output?

The norm in the society is something to learn, inspire to be creative,

But it is also the line that limit the thinking.

We scare to think, we scare to try.

You Only Live Once.

Let's step out!

-END-

I'm Not Car with 2.0cc Engine

Engine in a car determines how fast it can run.
It determines how well it can perform.
There is no way for a car to perform 200km/h speed by using a 1.0cc engine.
It can try hard, strive all the way to that speed, but it will never perform well at that speed.

What is the difference between human and car is their flexibility.
Human can strive and improve their performance and ability to do something.
Car's ability was fixed once they're produced.
They can either maintain or drop their performance only.
So, because I'm a human, I'm striving to achieve something out of my ability.

I strive hard, try hard, work hard..
In Assignments, Works, Performances, Music Exams, and etc.
Roles and roles that I have to improve on.
But among all, performances and musics are the things I strive the most.
I don't feel like a human when I'm doing these, I feel more like a car.
I feel limited, I feel limited by the engine I'm born with.

Expectation from others always makes us try harder and harder.
However...
How could I run like a 2.0cc car when I'm just with a 1.3cc engine?
Ability is what we born with? Or gained?
How flexible can we stretch?

After a moment of digesting (as a human)..

Ability that was born is called TALENT.
Ability that we gained is call HARDWORK.
But....
Sometimes, my hard work will never pay off.
My hard work wasn't seen.
People around will still "complain" about me.

Is it because of I'm not trying hard enough?
Or.. It is just something that is totally out from my ability?
Maybe, it is not part of me.

I'm 1.3cc car, I just want to live a life.
An achievable life.

-END-