Plastic bag

People were born differently, unique, special..
Some people were born to be the spotlight that shines bright everywhere,
Some of them are more like invisible plastic bags,
Some of them were just so talented,
Some of them were just ordinary.

In my point of view, I feel I'm spotlight and plastic bag in the same time.
Sometimes I shine, sometimes I'm totally invisible.
When there are 5 persons in a group or above, I automatically switch into "plastic bag" mode.
I don't feel belonged.
I feel more like an out-group.
I'm turning into an option button.
I try hard, but my voice was only listened by myself.
Maybe my fear speak louder than my voice.

Is it my own problem in turning myself into plastic bag?
Or is it people around there speak louder than me that turn me into plastic bag?
Am the "need of belongingness" in me too strong?
Why am I always the "options button" to be pressed?
Why even I put them as my prior, but I'm still invisible?

Am I the problem?
Maybe.

Am I someone who likes to be the focus all the time?
NO, I don't.

I just want to feel belonged, at least to be somebody, just somebody.
I don't wish to shine just when some problems occur.
I don't wish to be invisible when happiness is there.

However, should I feel good to be an option button?
It means that I don't have to be too worry about things that going around?
Means I have more time to spend with myself and my family?

Love is happiness, happiness is belongingness.
Love is all about "give and take".
I will give love to people who deserve,
See people who see me, love people who love me.

Maybe I'm just too care about things that I shouldn't.
Maybe I'm shining in some people's eyes, who knows?