No-sense (Song Story 1)

I turned my head and stares into the ticking alarm clock, realising that I woke slightly earlier than the alarm clock I set. Rolling myself into my soft blanket with the pillows around me. I turned my head to my left side, hmm.. where is he?

I comb my long fringe backward using my fingers, pulling my shirt that slight down from my shoulder. I walked out from my room, looking around for him. Then, I saw him sitting in the living room's floor. I went to his back and hug him from his back. I put my head at his shoulder, blowing my breath on his neck. How long we did not cuddle since he started this job. The job that leads him to million dollar's income per month. So, is that means that the job is more important than anything.. Or is it because we're just too stable in this 6 years relationship and we start not to worry about it anymore?

He sighed, without looking at me. Although we are just so near, but his heart is far like the stars that I couldn't hold. I hold on to my breath, close my eyes to avoid my tears from flowing to his shirt. He is too bright, too shine, too..perfect for my life. He shines bright in his way. Look at me, am I too dull to stay beside him..? Am I blocking his way to shine..?

Finally he speaks......."Dear, I'm gonna go for a meeting tonight, I will not be home for 3days okay?". Maybe I misinterpret, but I could say he is just informing, I could just cancel the question mark in his sentence. I sound softly, letting him know I get his message. My feeling was heavy, like the gravity just pulling me down to the earth and stop letting me to follow the stars in the sky.

I let go my hand that hugging him.. slowly I move myself away from him. Dear, I love you and I miss you.. 

I return to our bedroom, pressing the words in my heart that almost ran out from my mouth. I lie on the bed, tears dripped. I was afraid... afraid of losing the love we have. 

Maybe girl is just being sensitive, needing the feeling of secure.

When will be the last step you take, that leave me forever? Can you stay till our last breath, even we are fighting for the oxygen left on the earth?

Things and words just keep on running through my brain and then I cross it out again. Maybe, I just need to talk to him. These are part of the words that came to me in this one month, as he is just too busy to communicate with me, for almost half year i guess?

Suddenly, he walked into our room. I covered my face using the blanket and turned into side position. I wonder, do he really cared about me. He sat on the bed, next to me. He hugged me, which really surprised me, but as a stubborn person I don't react to his action. We are separated by a piece of blanket but at this moment.. I feel that our heart was just so close, like the first time we ever hugged.

I still keep quiet, but he started to speak.. and what's from his mouth made me cried.
"Dear.. I'm leaving by 8pm. This is the meeting that able me to adjust my working schedule for you. Dear, I love you.. I'm sorry that I might left you out for this half year, but I miss you every single time whenever I'm having a break. I know our love is strong, and I promise that I will hold your hand no matter what. You've been thinking about whether I will leave you or not right? I would say no. How can I let you have the opportunity to gasp for the oxygen left on the earth alone? I'm gonna fight for oxygen with you, until the last breath. Wait me home alright?"

He pulled away the blanket on me and kissed on my head. Our eyes connected after so long. He.. this man just answered all my doubt. I can't help hugging him harder than ever.

We hold our hand once again, walk to the most familiar mamak stall with my ordinary housewife look and his unordinary househusband look. I smelled love again.

A loud horn and a painful hit. I looking at him, he smiled.

"Will you marry me?".
"Yes I do".

We hold our hand harder before our last breathe.

"See you later".
" See you later, love".

That's our last conversation before we meet again, Afterlife.

- END-

Music listened while writing this story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFvLq3rPeTk

Out of me

*Never use google translate for mandarin blogs. Because it meant I don't wish to be understand. Thanks*

拼命的呼吸，拼命的活着。
我告诉我的心，没事的，可是它拒绝了。
原来……我并不好。

如果笑能证明我很好， 我肯定我现在非常的好。
可是，如果我眼睛不说谎，我相信事实并非如此。
事情的发生是不是暗示着我们在长大着？
还是我们在往后沉下？

时间煮雨，是否我们渐渐的消失了？
是否慢慢被遗忘了……
是否现在的泪水也会慢慢的蒸发？

你们，会不会就从我生活里蒸发了……
我们能保存的只是回忆。
而流失的，是捡不回来的故事。

而这些心里的刺儿们会不会消失？
贱人们会不会蒸发？

别想了，我的肩膀借给你……可惜说的人是我不愿意依靠的人。
别想了，让我抱一抱你……可惜我并不想投入你的怀抱。
别想了，会过去的……而我怕的是该过去的却不过去。

我累了……
是我吗？决定了快乐却又哭了。
以为哭了就能坚强，却更痛了。

————————————————————————————————————————

拉起被单，把自己抱着了。
我安稳了。

谢谢关心我的人们，有你们真好。
别离开。


-完-

Double Nerved

Smell the alien smell of this place, look around. Well, this gotta be my new room for the new semester huh. Is this a new start up of everything? Will I be a better person than before? Is this the fresh beginning of everything good? (Ya, I like to think that way.)

Cleaning up the alien place, well it finally smells a little like my own room now. Getting comfortable with the place right after 1 hour. Then, moving some of my daily use stuffs into the room. Aww, I'm finally trying to be independent (Noo, I brought my mom there too LOL).

Thinking about new university life in the new city campus gotta be so fun and exciting. Happily walking to the class together.. Get to use the new lecture hall, hopefully a well-functioning projector, nice chair also a nice writing table!

Then, I saw some pictures posted by our lecture.. Oh no, I see no table! Am I going to use my lap as a table? Nah, is okay.. Who cares, if there is good functioning facilities.. ESPECIALLY CLEAN WASHROOM, I would be happy! Things get more and more exciting.. until.....

My friend asks me, am I going out for lunch and dinner everyday. I stunned. Yea, I do know how to cook, but I don't wish to cook at there. My friend asks me, am I going to wash my clothes or bring it home. I stunned again! I do not have enough clothes, so I  do need to wash it myself.

Oh no, I felt I'm so dependent all this while. Mom is the one who always do for me. Living without her makes me so emotional, thinking about how heavy was her job at home, as a full-time housewife. Started to appreciate every single thing she did for me. Was it late?

But, at the same time, now I can do some part for her, minimize her job-load, right? Hoping that 20 years wasn't too late to do something for her and papa.

Well, I do feel down a little. No one gotta wake me up if I overslept like my mom do. No one gotta listen to my daily story like my mom do. No one gotta let me be like a little girl like mt mom do. No one gotta mumble things I did like my mom do. Nobody.

The exciting x down mixing kind of feeling makes my cells acting so abnormal. How fast I can adapt to everything? One week will do right?

Good that I see things from this happenings. God, thanks for making me appreciate more and more in my life. I like this planning. Thank you.

-END-

Time Alone, walk with yourself.

"Expressing.. expressing.. expressing.."
The word is running in my mind again and again. No matter what's your idea and no matter what'd inspired you, what ends up is what you've expressed. Expressing wasn't as easy as I thought, well it might not be as complicated as I thought too.

Here come the flashbacks of performing. I was on the stage, spotlight was on me and I'm the only one who focused by 200 pairs of eyes. They said, hug the stage and make it yours and perform like what you are, because you're the only star shining at the second. I shivered before moving my first step onto the stage...... "Can I make it?"

Heart beating 100km/h kinda speed that gonna kill me anytime. Sweat like the fast flowing waterfall and any second may flood the hall. #maybe thats just a wrong thought and estimation as I'm too nervous# Yea, so times really flies, I just step onto the stage, blablabla, not focusing, not realising, not breathing perhaps? I'm done.

The echo of claps was filled. I take my steps and bow.

Well, am I expressing myself? Am I expressing my art? Actually no, I'm just doing for the sake of doing it because I do not have a chance to run away from this. To be true, I don't even know what am I doing on the stage. People just clap for the sake of ending a performance. "LOL"

Then.. what's expressing?

Somehow, I think that expressing is based on a strong base - Confidence. Trust in yourself is so important. Only when you trust what you know, what's your idea, what you wanna bring to the audience, what you've got and lastly is that you can make it.

Without that GODDESS CONFIDENCE, whatever you have is nothing because what people can only see and appreciate is what you showed. You are the one who shows the "POSSIBILITY" of something.

Sometimes, I may find that life is about proving and proving. Making trust and making promises to come alive.

Be confident to stand as who you are, be confident to fall and stand up again. Human makes mistakes but jusy promise to learn from it, then it shall be fine. Be confident, is the basic of trusting yourself. If you don't trust yourself, who will?

Yeah, undeniable, I'm afraid of failure too. Who cares? Failure is the only thing that make us uniquely standing and making us special and view things at different perspectives from others. Why not we make these mistakes once so that we are filled with experience? Don't you heard the old words said that "experience is priceless and it is uniquely captured that not everyone can own the same one"? *wink*.

So, trust yourself, express yourself, show up! You'll be the best in your world.

(Express yourself, out of nobody to somebody in your world)

-END-