The rejected item

Walk in the mall, and I saw a shop call "The Reject Shop".
I walk-in and have a look at clothes they are selling.
They look beautiful, just some of it has a little small flaw.
Anyway, it is acceptable.

I wonder why people reject these stock and make them here?
Is flaw a fault?
Is perfect forever..?

These clothes are so "low-confident",
they look like they don't really trust themselves anymore,
because they are rated as a reject stock.

Somehow, I feel this way too.
I felt like I'm always rejected.
The main reason that I realise is.. my family, especially my closest family member, mom.

She is good, caring, love me much.
She teaches me how to be responsible, hardworking, etc.. too much to say.

As a kid, I wanted to give/do something for her as the "act of kindness",
be a good daughter that she will appreciate and glad to have.
Try to be respect,
try to be caring,
try to be loving..
BUT.. What hurt the most is.. she won't see it.
I don't feel she sees it..(When I'm young)
I feel like, if she sees it, she will act like how the cartoon movie shows..
At least one appraisal, a hug, or a kiss on my head.

But.. NONE.
In the other way round,
Mom and dad magnified my mistakes.
Yes, now when I look at the old times, I feel there is a need to teach me what is good and bad.
However, I do not feel that there is a need to magnified my mistakes to the outsider.
Maybe they think that showing it out will make me change my mistakes quickly.

BUT..... too bad, this only hurts me.

20 years, with 15.5years memory in my head.
I'm clear about these.
I couldn't voice it out..
Pa, ma.. I'm tiring.
Do I ever shine in your eyes?
Do dark always more convincing than the bright..?

I don't wish you to praise me all over the world like the other parents do.
I don't need you to see only good things in me.
But, I need some of your support in the path of doing good.
At least a "thank you".. At least a hug..
Maybe just tell me that, I really do good.
Once in a blue moon..
I don't even mind.

Because you all are the people I trusted the most.
Without your support, it makes me feel like I wasn't worth anything.
Make me feel like the clothes in the reject shop..
Make me feel so rejected.

Although outsider do praise me..
But, they will never raise my confidence.
I need you.
It's just like I praise those clothes in the reject shop.
But those clothes will never return to the original shop.

I'm thinking....
If now you all changed, started to appreciate what I did by showing it out,
will it make a change in me?
Or.. is it too late?

I have to pluck the root that absorbed my confidence out from my body by myself.
Dear God, please assist me in this..
Thanks God..... :')

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